So, a very wise poler told me, “Your butt, or your knees. Only one can be high at a time. Choose accordingly.”
After that, side climb (which until now has been an exercise in rage, frustration, and one-sided indian burns) was CRACKED.
So, I was trying to find a video of some awesome side climbing to illustrate what I’m talking about, but I’m lazy, so all I found was this.
No. Don’t do that guys. Both feet at once, just like the Jenyne Climb. For the love of Christ.
Now, speaking of Jenyne, I know she does some effortless looking side climbing, but again, too lazy to look it up, so GO NUTS KIDS and please tell me if you know hof some youtubage where she or somebody else does a mean side climb so I can come back and throw it in here.
Anywhere, here’s some TIPPPPPPPPPPPZ (read that in the voice of “ERREBODY IN THE CLUB GETTING–) for side climbing that I discovered by doing it totally wrong:
1. Create space between your body and the pole
Do this by bracing with your outside arm (not your inside, because that would cover your face, yo. Your face is MONEY).
2. Stick your butt out
You knew this was coming right? Because literally everything in pole involves sticking your ass out in some way, shape, or form? But seriously, it helps you get your body away from the pole (less indian burn!), and allows your knees to come up for a nice, productive climb).
3. Point your damn toes
Actually this isn’t just about looks (BELIEVE IT OR NOT)–you’re going to need your legs fairly vertical and parallel to the pole to execute your climb that shall be on the side, SO, no locking with your ankles. This also means less pain for your aforementioned ankles. No hope for the tops of your feet, though, sorry!
4. ENJOY YOUR BRUISES, YOU ARE A BEAST
Yeah, this is going to hurt. I’m rocking UNPRECEDENTED numbers of leg bruises right now–on either thigh, behind the knees, and all over the tops of my feet. Also, many on the insides of my upper arms, and on on my wrist. And I love it. Swag.
Other news: I AERIAL CHOPPERED. I can’t wait to video this ish. I surprised myself by doing it while thinking, “this should be hilarious, no chance this is happening–HOLY SHIT I’M CHOPPERING AND MY HEAD IS THE LOWEST POINT OF MY BODY 10 FEET OFF THE GROUND OH GOD OH GOD.”
Any way, the moral of the story is, even when you don’t THINK you’ll be able to invert… apply Dry Hands as though you will, just in case. Because I was slipping and that’s terrifying.
Today in SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUPER lazy news, here is the same damn video I posted of Jenyne the last time I wrote about her climb techniques. But hey, she does an excellent (if brief) sideclimb starting near 1:05, so check her out!!!